Well, Cosmo went off to the Zoo on Tuesday, he was supposed to go on Sunday but we had a bit of a snowstorm, so it was postponed until Tuesday. We took him from the aquarium Monday morning to transfer downstairs so he could 'chill'. Since he will be introduced to a Koi pond outside we needed to lower his temp gradually. On Monday night we placed him over by the door to cool down even further.
He was greeted by the Director of Animal Services of the Zoo when he arrived and was enthusiastically welcomed. They don't have such a beauty as he, mostly the orange and black variety. Cosmo is so beautiful, not quite white, more of an iridescent very pale peach which can only be seen in the aquarium. ( click on the picture to see more details, then hit the back button to return here).
I played the Norah Jones CD for him one last time and even took a video of him swimming around to her song, 'Come away with me' one of his favorites and mine as well. He didn't take kindly to the camera though as I was taking some stills the camera was shooting a red beam to locate the 'living thing' and he didn't like that one bit. I tried to write about this on Tuesday and couldn't and yesterday it still hurt too much, an empty aquarium can be a very lonely thing, it is now just a piece of furniture, not a home to my beautiful Koi Boy, Cosmo.
Sometimes you don't realize how a lot of what you do and how you do something is directly guided by others around you. Then again there are some who are completely oblivious to how they affect those around them and can easily fall into the category of 'rudeness personified"!
Being an INJF I am one who is aware, most of the time of how my actions effect reactions of others, but sometimes it's always a mystery! With Cosmo since he spent his life in a black pond the openness of the aquarium was hard for him to acclimate to. Whenever we would walk by, if not slow enough, the shadow we would make or the reflection of the daylight off our clothing could cause him immediate terror and he would swim madly around the tank and most times crash into the filter or hit the top cover. I hated that my movements did this to him and tried my best to walk slower as I approached his corner of the house. I found myself doing this even after he was taken out on Monday and I had cleaned the tank and arranged the backdrop, something I couldn't do with him in there without a commotion.
I still do that when walking out into the living room and then I remember, he's not there. I look at the empty tank and am sad, despite his craziness, he was still a living thing in my house, one I couldn't pet but I could feed him, talk to him and play favorite music for him. Now he's gone and with Techelet ( my Blue Betta) dying a few weeks ago (which was expected as we had him over 3 years) and it being 4 months now since I lost Jazmine my beautiful Dalmatian Princess, for the first time in over 39 years, I am pet-less and I am lost. It is not a title for myself I cherish, and never will.
I feel as if I'm on another planet or in a strange dream that I want to wake up from. I don't know who I am without some creature depending on me. I've had so many animals in my life, from chosen ones to ones who chose me, mostly the latter. Strays seemed to find their way to me, injured or too young, wildlife as well. It's a long list but if you are interested here is what comes to mind for now. I've had 17 dogs, 18 cats, 4 squirrels (2 I raised from babies, one fallen from nest, another hit by a car and paralyzed), numerous birds of all varieties, two skunks, an opossum, various fish and gerbils, hamsters, a chinchilla, parakeets, gerbils, guinea pigs, turtles, (box, painted, snapping! and woods). I'm sure there is more but I can't think of them right now. This doesn't even include the wildlife animals I feed on a yearly basis, like the mother and triplets, deer we helped raise last year, feeding them each day, corn and such and supplying water , (always supply water), and a dozen or so squirrels, dozens of doves, and other birds and even having two red tailed hawks being raised in our yard to which one still lives here, dining off my fat squirrels when he can catch one. :)
The wildlife is still here and very prolific, for that I am grateful, but I can't touch them, cuddle them, comfort them or make a connection with them, that is gone.
I don't know if I shall remain pet-less in the future, for now I am too sad from all the lose and really can't imagine going through it again, especially after losing Jazmine who is still in my heart and I think will always be. They were my family, and now my family is totally gone.
If you are spending time with your family this week, don't look at their faults, don't look at their annoyances, don't look at it being a bother to get together, instead take joy in the fact that no matter who they are, how they are and what they are, they are, bottom line, your family and that really is all that matters. Take time this season to show them that, you won't be sorry, and as Monk used to say, You'll thank me later................... ( maybe much later, but I promise, you will :) )
Happy Holidays~
Could anything be sweeter than this? Jazmine at age 10 weeks buried in a chair cushion waiting for her mama to come wrap her in a blankie so she didn't get cold.
Stay warm, and make good memories this season and always to warm you later when you need them.
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